[For once, Hans actually backs from the conversation, clamping up as he stews in his thoughts once more. Does he talk about Susato and Beatrix? No, those are separate conversations, meant for those specific individuals. So, with that in mind, what else is there to talk about?
Maybe he hoped that Ferran would... help with his thoughts concerning his goals, but didn't he already try that in the dream itself? He did, so what does he actually want?
...
Right now, it's best to just turn this conversation on him.]
I mean, we can talk about the fact that you were ready to dedicate your life to me in the dream.
[Because Ferran's life is so miserable back home. There's definitely something going on though, so Hans actually doesn't doubt it. Nonetheless, he seems back to his normal self, smiling at his friend and awaiting his response.]
[He's paying more attention now, as much as he's capable, to Hans's mannerisms. He's clearly debating internally what to bring up... and the end result seems to be putting aside his own personal feelings for the sake of digging more into Ferran's.
He speaks frankly.]
You already know I'm dying back home, Hans, even aside from what I'm being forced to do. Are those really the issues you want to get into?
[It's asked more out of a place of curiosity than judgment, though some of the latter may slip in, too. He sighs with a shake of his head, then clarifies; he won't hide his feelings from the man if he wants to hear them.]
[He remembers, because Ferran is definitely one of the few people he knows that has an even more terrible life back home than him. While execution is still a possibility to him, Ferran is dying while being manipulated by his 'guardian.' Thinking about all that once more, Hans isn't sure if he feels sympathetic, but he's not happy about it either.]
I wanted to talk about how you wanted to be with me. Maybe if this was a one time occurrence, I would've ignored it.
[Dreams are weird and all that, but there's that whole incident on the moon and sure, Ferran was strange there too, but it's hard to ignore what's right in front of him.]
But there was also that time when we were on the moon. I may have been a wolf during that incident, but I remember everything that was said.
[It's hard for him to not remember that time on the moon, however much he'd like to scrub his memory of it. The things he expressed there... the way he acted. His utter lack of sympathy for everything that got in his way.]
Yeah, well...
[A little self-conscious, he turns his gaze away and rubs the back of his neck.]
What about it? [He doesn't really know what to say. It's not like he's going to deny it, or that he feels like he needs to defend his feelings. He knows his reasons.] Was it surprising to you?
[An almost sheepish look crosses the young prince, with Hans bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head. Saying all of this out loud, he feels nearly ridiculous, but in the end, he is surprised still. He's known for a long time about Ferran's draw to him, but maybe not to this degree.]
[It's a weird expression to see on Hans, when Ferran knows he's not simply bluffing. Though he's momentarily distracted by the kettle starting to boil, he mostly keeps his eye on Hans as he removes it and turns off the heating plate.]
And here I thought you were good at reading people. [He's only partly kidding, his voice a little lighter, maybe partly to deflect from his own sheepishness. To help with that distraction, he starts getting on brewing some tea.] Or maybe I've gotten better at hiding things.
[There was that whole incident with the cupid arrows, but he thought that was just Ferran's way of shutting him up. Of course, a lot of feelings sort of happened as well, and at that time, he was struggling a lot more with accepting certain things. Now? He's in a slightly better place, enough to sometimes question what he wants in life. Maybe he wants to be king, maybe he just wants to live a normal life. The uncertainty of his fate back home exists as well, but he's given up on putting too much thought about it.
He can't control anything about that right now anyway.
Hans sighs just lightly, his eyes closing for a second, but it's clear he's taking this a little more seriously.]
We'll say that you've gotten better at hiding things. [For the sake of Hans's pride and everything, he thinks he's great at reading people still.] But your feelings haven't disappeared at all, have they?
[Hans smiles just slightly, somewhat amused, but he's also touched in a way.]
[The arrow's effects back then were certainly... interesting, and he might have reacted more strongly to them in the aftermath than he should have, but it certainly served as a spark to make him think. That was far from the only thing to make his feelings progress, though.]
They don't tend to do that, no.
[Once he gets feelings, they're kind of there forever! Lucky him. He pauses momentarily to watch Hans, but turns to pour the two cups so he can bring them over to the living area. He lets out a sigh through his nose as he hands Hans his tea.]
[Ferran forever stuck to have feelings for people. Hans can't relate and that seems like a rather unfortunate fate, if you ask him. He's glad that he often doesn't get honest feelings about people, with some very few exceptions, although Ferran falls somewhere in there. He's glad that he can be honest with him and he's glad that Ferran stuck around despite knowing that he's far from being a prince charming.
Actually, he's appreciative for a lot of things Ferran has done, besides the obvious. It's been over a year now since he's known and has supported Hans throughout that entire time.
He finds himself slowly blinking, taking the offered cup while grabbing Ferran's wrist with his free hand.]
Many will disagree, but I don't mind. [Hans looks up at Ferran, almost expectantly.]
[Honestly, for everything Hans has done for him at this point, he'd consider himself a horrible person if he left the prince behind for something he did that doesn't even affect anything here.
He pauses when Hans takes his wrist, giving him a look that's somewhat suspect. He doesn't even think about pulling away, though.]
What's that look for?
[What is your game, Hans... but Ferran doesn't seem annoyed despite his almost accusatory tone—just curious. If he thought Hans was at all likely to reciprocate his feelings, he might think he had the answer, but...]
[Wow, how rude!! Hans doesn't look offended by the suspicious look crossing his face though, because he probably deserves it one way or another. He can acknowledge that.]
Can't tell when someone wants to kiss you, Ferran?
[There's a slight tease in Hans's voice as he continues to look at him. There's no going back now, not on his end, unless his friend doesn't want this at all. He's a lot of terrible things, but he's not going to force Ferran to kiss him.
Although, he did just admit having feelings for him still. That must count for something. The prince isn't entirely sure if he feels the same way, but he likes being around him. Is that enough?]
[He blinks in surprise momentarily, but his expression soon shifts to exasperation.]
I know to expect it when that person is emotionally well adjusted.
[He doesn't hesitate after that, though—he's careful to keep his own mug out of the way, but he bends down to press his lips against Hans's to give him what he apparently wants. Ferran might not know why that is, but he's not going to look this particular gift horse in the mouth just yet.]
[Before Hans can be fully insulted by that particular comment, the feeling of Ferran's lips pressing against his own stops any snide retorts that were about to leave him. It's far different from the kiss that they shared months ago, as there's no outside influence dictating Ferran's actions. With that in mind, he can say this is already better, even if he doesn't know how he really feels still.
Well, he knows that it's quite nice being wanted for who he is. So maybe that's something.
And at least Ferran isn't a bad kisser, with Hans raising his free hand to cup the other man's cheek. He's really not familiar with kissing guys, but it's the same sort of idea. Maybe his lips are just a bit more rough than the princesses and other royals he's met over the years, but that's necessarily bad.]
[He does have some experience, thank you—though he doesn't delve too deep into that prior practice just yet, testing the waters with a shift of his lips against the curve of Hans's after a few moments and bringing his own hand over Hans's to keep it against his own face. He moves to sit next to the other man without breaking the contact, instead of continuing to stand in front of him and bending down; maybe he'll take advantage of a position that makes him the taller one at some point, but today he's more interested in something comfortable.
He gently pulls away after a short while, before either of them need to break away to breathe, but he doesn't move very far, looking at Hans's eyes with an attentive but almost relaxed gaze. His voice is quiet, but there's no hesitation in his tone or his expression. Even if it's questionable, and even if he's surprised now and again, Ferran trusts him—on a number of levels.]
[He's not quite radiating excitement, even though he lifts his hand to his lips, as if remembering the feeling of Ferran pressing against him. It certainly wasn't awful; he can be certain about that. Hans thinks he enjoyed it?? His eyes turn to look at Ferran, noting the relaxed and attention gaze that's focused solely on him.
Maybe he likes that part the most.
It feels incredibly dumb to thank him for this, so he opts for something that still feels kind of silly, but less so. And here he thought he was the charming one between the two of them, guess it's different when he's interested in trying out things and must speak so honestly about it afterward.]
[It's not common to see Hans so pensive, but he suspects he's seen it in a genuine way more than most other people, at this point. And it's not something Ferran is displeased to see in any way. He lets out a chuckle, not able to help himself from teasing the other man at least a little.]
Feeling self conscious?
[He leans forward to give Hans another kiss, though this time it's just a soft peck on the cheek.]
If he disappoints Ferran in this way, it sort of feels like he's disappointing him as his actual self, which isn't a great feeling to have. Is that what being vulnerable to another person feels like? Hans almost grimaces at the thought, but he manages to keep it in, especially as the young man leans forward to give him another kiss, if just a small one this time.]
Yes, that does answer it.
[He's... grateful? Even if he still has a lot of feelings to work out. If to distract himself, Hans starts to drink the tea that Ferran made for him, because that's something he can enjoy without question.]
[Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a big step, Hans!! Ferran is so proud.
A small smile lingers on his face as Hans turns his attention to his drink, and Ferran himself sits back to do the same. After taking a slow sip and a moment of quiet thought:]
[Hans peers at Ferran while drinking his tea, and while he doesn't say anything at first, it's clear that his comment is something he's considering. Usually, when he 'surprises' someone, it's not a good thing, but the small smile on his face speaks otherwise.]
That I asked to kiss you? [He has a couple of other ideas, but he wants to hear Ferran say it himself.]
[It's not that Ferran thinks he's completely repulsive in that way; he's been in relationships, had people care about him when they shouldn't—and at this point he knows Hans at least has some attachment to him, after all the time they've spent together. But that particular kind of request... well, it changes things. Or at least, it changes how Ferran thinks about it. He shifts to tuck one ankle behind the other, speaking honestly without any real hesitation.]
It's not something I thought you'd be interested in just for the sake of doing it.
[The prince might try to bluff, but Ferran is fairly confident there's no underlying motive here—especially with that reaction a moment ago. Hans is good at feigning certain things, but even if he were playing up the shy facade, what would he get out of that here and now?]
I guess I've still got a lot to learn about you, huh?
[It's a slightly vague answer, and Hans doesn't plan on elaborating further, mostly because he really doesn't know himself. Well, it's more like there are multiple reasons why he wanted to kiss Ferran, but he still has reservations talking about it. At least Ferran seems to be understanding, something that he can appreciate. Maybe that's why he's able to at least relax around him.
Even when he should be fully judged, Ferran is usually patient with him.]
Still surprising you even after a year. [He's back to smiling and teasing Ferran, because that's natural and easy.] Guess that means you always have to keep your guard up around me.
[Whether that's the full truth or not, Ferran won't probe further for now. He doesn't see this as a situation where he feels like he has to push Hans for answers; honestly, he's content whatever the reasoning.
He lets out a simple heh, bringing his mug close again to appreciate the warmth.]
Not much chance of that at this point. [There's an echo of Hans's sly humor in his own gaze.] Not that that's a surprise to you, I bet.
Just further affirmation that I can manipulate you to do whatever I want.
[Take advantage of Ferran? He's probably already been doing that, just not in a blunt 'betray you' way, and more of... something else. Maybe it's not taking advantage in the first place, but he's still working through Feelings and everything. It's hard being genuine with others.]
[There's a few more laughs at the idea of Hans manipulating him to do anything. Could the man make him feel a certain way? Absolutely. Maybe Hans could even convince him of this or that. But he feels self-assured enough to say he wouldn't let the prince outright use him for something he wasn't fine with already, even if Hans was ever actually up to anything.]
Unlikely. [To either of those things.] Are you worried?
[Hans has seen Ferran at his most sinister on the moon, after all.]
[Maybe there might be something to worry about if that guardian of his arrived in this dream, but that's not a problem worth thinking about right now. He'll deal with it if it happens and maybe get all of Ferran's friends to help; it seems like he has a lot of them. Of course, there was that whole moon incident, but... he feels like he can handle Ferran one-on-one.
...Probably. It's fine.
He just rolls his eyes and drinks from his tea.]
You're supposed to tell me all your terrible secrets anyway.
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Maybe he hoped that Ferran would... help with his thoughts concerning his goals, but didn't he already try that in the dream itself? He did, so what does he actually want?
...
Right now, it's best to just turn this conversation on him.]
I mean, we can talk about the fact that you were ready to dedicate your life to me in the dream.
[Because Ferran's life is so miserable back home. There's definitely something going on though, so Hans actually doesn't doubt it. Nonetheless, he seems back to his normal self, smiling at his friend and awaiting his response.]
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He speaks frankly.]
You already know I'm dying back home, Hans, even aside from what I'm being forced to do. Are those really the issues you want to get into?
[It's asked more out of a place of curiosity than judgment, though some of the latter may slip in, too. He sighs with a shake of his head, then clarifies; he won't hide his feelings from the man if he wants to hear them.]
I mean, we can. I guess.
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I wanted to talk about how you wanted to be with me. Maybe if this was a one time occurrence, I would've ignored it.
[Dreams are weird and all that, but there's that whole incident on the moon and sure, Ferran was strange there too, but it's hard to ignore what's right in front of him.]
But there was also that time when we were on the moon. I may have been a wolf during that incident, but I remember everything that was said.
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Yeah, well...
[A little self-conscious, he turns his gaze away and rubs the back of his neck.]
What about it? [He doesn't really know what to say. It's not like he's going to deny it, or that he feels like he needs to defend his feelings. He knows his reasons.] Was it surprising to you?
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[An almost sheepish look crosses the young prince, with Hans bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head. Saying all of this out loud, he feels nearly ridiculous, but in the end, he is surprised still. He's known for a long time about Ferran's draw to him, but maybe not to this degree.]
I didn't realize you liked me quite that much.
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[It's a weird expression to see on Hans, when Ferran knows he's not simply bluffing. Though he's momentarily distracted by the kettle starting to boil, he mostly keeps his eye on Hans as he removes it and turns off the heating plate.]
And here I thought you were good at reading people. [He's only partly kidding, his voice a little lighter, maybe partly to deflect from his own sheepishness. To help with that distraction, he starts getting on brewing some tea.] Or maybe I've gotten better at hiding things.
[You're proud of that, are you?]
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He can't control anything about that right now anyway.
Hans sighs just lightly, his eyes closing for a second, but it's clear he's taking this a little more seriously.]
We'll say that you've gotten better at hiding things. [For the sake of Hans's pride and everything, he thinks he's great at reading people still.] But your feelings haven't disappeared at all, have they?
[Hans smiles just slightly, somewhat amused, but he's also touched in a way.]
You have awful tastes, Ferran.
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They don't tend to do that, no.
[Once he gets feelings, they're kind of there forever! Lucky him. He pauses momentarily to watch Hans, but turns to pour the two cups so he can bring them over to the living area. He lets out a sigh through his nose as he hands Hans his tea.]
We can agree to disagree.
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Actually, he's appreciative for a lot of things Ferran has done, besides the obvious. It's been over a year now since he's known and has supported Hans throughout that entire time.
He finds himself slowly blinking, taking the offered cup while grabbing Ferran's wrist with his free hand.]
Many will disagree, but I don't mind. [Hans looks up at Ferran, almost expectantly.]
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He pauses when Hans takes his wrist, giving him a look that's somewhat suspect. He doesn't even think about pulling away, though.]
What's that look for?
[What is your game, Hans... but Ferran doesn't seem annoyed despite his almost accusatory tone—just curious. If he thought Hans was at all likely to reciprocate his feelings, he might think he had the answer, but...]
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Can't tell when someone wants to kiss you, Ferran?
[There's a slight tease in Hans's voice as he continues to look at him. There's no going back now, not on his end, unless his friend doesn't want this at all. He's a lot of terrible things, but he's not going to force Ferran to kiss him.
Although, he did just admit having feelings for him still. That must count for something. The prince isn't entirely sure if he feels the same way, but he likes being around him. Is that enough?]
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I know to expect it when that person is emotionally well adjusted.
[He doesn't hesitate after that, though—he's careful to keep his own mug out of the way, but he bends down to press his lips against Hans's to give him what he apparently wants. Ferran might not know why that is, but he's not going to look this particular gift horse in the mouth just yet.]
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Well, he knows that it's quite nice being wanted for who he is. So maybe that's something.
And at least Ferran isn't a bad kisser, with Hans raising his free hand to cup the other man's cheek. He's really not familiar with kissing guys, but it's the same sort of idea. Maybe his lips are just a bit more rough than the princesses and other royals he's met over the years, but that's necessarily bad.]
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He gently pulls away after a short while, before either of them need to break away to breathe, but he doesn't move very far, looking at Hans's eyes with an attentive but almost relaxed gaze. His voice is quiet, but there's no hesitation in his tone or his expression. Even if it's questionable, and even if he's surprised now and again, Ferran trusts him—on a number of levels.]
... well, was that what you wanted?
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[He's not quite radiating excitement, even though he lifts his hand to his lips, as if remembering the feeling of Ferran pressing against him. It certainly wasn't awful; he can be certain about that. Hans thinks he enjoyed it?? His eyes turn to look at Ferran, noting the relaxed and attention gaze that's focused solely on him.
Maybe he likes that part the most.
It feels incredibly dumb to thank him for this, so he opts for something that still feels kind of silly, but less so. And here he thought he was the charming one between the two of them, guess it's different when he's interested in trying out things and must speak so honestly about it afterward.]
Did you like that?
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Feeling self conscious?
[He leans forward to give Hans another kiss, though this time it's just a soft peck on the cheek.]
Maybe that answers your question.
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If he disappoints Ferran in this way, it sort of feels like he's disappointing him as his actual self, which isn't a great feeling to have. Is that what being vulnerable to another person feels like? Hans almost grimaces at the thought, but he manages to keep it in, especially as the young man leans forward to give him another kiss, if just a small one this time.]
Yes, that does answer it.
[He's... grateful? Even if he still has a lot of feelings to work out. If to distract himself, Hans starts to drink the tea that Ferran made for him, because that's something he can enjoy without question.]
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A small smile lingers on his face as Hans turns his attention to his drink, and Ferran himself sits back to do the same. After taking a slow sip and a moment of quiet thought:]
... you really surprised me, you know.
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That I asked to kiss you? [He has a couple of other ideas, but he wants to hear Ferran say it himself.]
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[It's not that Ferran thinks he's completely repulsive in that way; he's been in relationships, had people care about him when they shouldn't—and at this point he knows Hans at least has some attachment to him, after all the time they've spent together. But that particular kind of request... well, it changes things. Or at least, it changes how Ferran thinks about it. He shifts to tuck one ankle behind the other, speaking honestly without any real hesitation.]
It's not something I thought you'd be interested in just for the sake of doing it.
[The prince might try to bluff, but Ferran is fairly confident there's no underlying motive here—especially with that reaction a moment ago. Hans is good at feigning certain things, but even if he were playing up the shy facade, what would he get out of that here and now?]
I guess I've still got a lot to learn about you, huh?
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[It's a slightly vague answer, and Hans doesn't plan on elaborating further, mostly because he really doesn't know himself. Well, it's more like there are multiple reasons why he wanted to kiss Ferran, but he still has reservations talking about it. At least Ferran seems to be understanding, something that he can appreciate. Maybe that's why he's able to at least relax around him.
Even when he should be fully judged, Ferran is usually patient with him.]
Still surprising you even after a year. [He's back to smiling and teasing Ferran, because that's natural and easy.] Guess that means you always have to keep your guard up around me.
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He lets out a simple heh, bringing his mug close again to appreciate the warmth.]
Not much chance of that at this point. [There's an echo of Hans's sly humor in his own gaze.] Not that that's a surprise to you, I bet.
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[Take advantage of Ferran? He's probably already been doing that, just not in a blunt 'betray you' way, and more of... something else. Maybe it's not taking advantage in the first place, but he's still working through Feelings and everything. It's hard being genuine with others.]
Ever plan on turning the tables on me?
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Unlikely. [To either of those things.] Are you worried?
[Hans has seen Ferran at his most sinister on the moon, after all.]
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[Maybe there might be something to worry about if that guardian of his arrived in this dream, but that's not a problem worth thinking about right now. He'll deal with it if it happens and maybe get all of Ferran's friends to help; it seems like he has a lot of them. Of course, there was that whole moon incident, but... he feels like he can handle Ferran one-on-one.
...Probably. It's fine.
He just rolls his eyes and drinks from his tea.]
You're supposed to tell me all your terrible secrets anyway.
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